A lot of people who come to me looking for help with their career, (I was an executive recruiter after all). Invariably when I begin to talk to the person however, the career is not the real issue. It is always something deeper.
In our culture, career is the esteemed thing. It is the thing we all deeply want to get right. It means so much about us. It gives us something to direct our energy and time toward. The better our career, the more it appears we have it together, and that makes us feel better about ourselves.
Most people expect their career to validate them. They get approval from others for doing a good job. They use the image of success to tell themselves everything is awesome.
If our career is not together it also means something about us. That something is usually negative. We then pile shame on top of to make it worse. Shame leads to lack of confidence, then turns into a downward spiral and even less productivity.
When people's careers aren't where they want them to be I find stories of shame or depression and not being able to keep up or stay motivated. I find stories of every external factor as to why he or she hasn't had more success. I find people who don't know where their time goes and can't get things done.
When I work with people who come to me about career I look for the following things:
1) Why are they doing what they are doing? This is always the first thing I look at. Very infrequently do people truly love what they do or feel like it is their purpose. There is a deeper desire under there, to be great, to be free, to be seen, to be respected and others that they have somehow told themselves that this path they are on is the way to get there.
2) How are they spending their time? Is their energy and attention focused towards their goal or are they distracted or do they spend a lot of time with their attention on others? Are they taking care of others in a way that sacrifices themselves? Do they have poor boundaries?
3) Are there emotions that are not being felt? Not feeling emotions is probably the number one time suck in life. How you ask? Well because if you don't want to feel, you have to spend an enormous amount of time covering them up. How do we cover up feelings? Alcohol, drugs, food, TV, Facebook, hours browsing the internet, texting, worrying about other people's problems, taking on the world's problems, fighting with your partner, isolating in your room eating fast food and watching a Netflix marathon, playing video games, porn, obsessing on Tinder, having disconnected sex with strangers. The list goes on.
I see this deeply in others because I dismantled this in myself. See, I had an amazing career, more money than I had ever thought I could make and I was miserable. Truly. I remember hating being inside my own skin. I was so deeply unsatisfied. No amount of money or reaching any goal could fill the empty feeling. I grew deeply resentful of my success. Yes, I know it's hard to believe but I even started to hate my money. Like "Fuck you, what good are you if I am not happy?".
Through my journey of starting to see what was underneath, I saw that I had built my entire career for the approval for others. Once I saw that truth, it all fell like a house of cards. And yeah, my life fell apart. All of it. The fancy awesome way that it appeared to others. The way I felt like a baller. The way that I hid behind my money to solve my problems. It all melted away.
It's taken me some time but building a business built on truth is the best career decision I have ever made. I am genuinely happy. I feel fulfilled. I feel inspired. I feel free.
Would you like to talk to me about how I can help you find that kind of happiness? Fill out our INTAKE FORM and we will contact you to set up a free consultation.
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